DC, Diva-Style: Who Doesn’t Love Sassy Fairy Sex? (Midsummer’s Burlesque at Capital Fringe 2016)

DC, Diva-Style: Who Doesn’t Love Sassy Fairy Sex? (Midsummer’s Burlesque at Capital Fringe 2016)

Lola Rose was my gateway drug into burlesque. I was already a big burlyq wannabe the day that, having determined that I have nowhere near the upper body strength to pole dance, I decided to use the rest of my pole dance class Groupon to check out the studio’s burlesque class, taught by the endlessly energetic spitfire Lola (who may or may not be part fae herself, just sayin’). Unlike a lot of burlesque classes that focus on building stage personas, Lola’s class was a weekly dance class that taught classic burlesque technique. I was hooked; I drove an hour out of my way every week to keep going. I took her four-week boot camp for learning how to be a performer, and BAM– Diva Darling was born in an explosion of metallic confetti and neo-weirdness like Dionysus bursting forth reborn from Zeus’s thigh, set loose to leave my idiot-woman-child mark upon stages across the DC metro area. Flash forward a few years to the present. Lola and I have stayed in touch and worked together off and on since then, and my Press page is flush with great reviews (ahem) from her 2015 Capital Fringe show, Burlesque Classique‘s Vaudevillian Romp. Lola says that this year she’s doing A Midsummer Night’s Dream as a mashup of a cut of the script with a bunch of burlesque and vaudeville acts. Am I in to play Titania? Me [in fairy costume before she finishes asking the question]: Fuck yeah. Let’s do this thing. Because the thing is, when Lola Rose says “Come do Fringe with me,” you best listen. It’s going to be a chaotic whirlwind,...
Can Fat Girls Wear High Heels? Pt. II: Learning to Walk, All Over Again

Can Fat Girls Wear High Heels? Pt. II: Learning to Walk, All Over Again

If you missed my first post about choosing high-quality high heels, feel free to catch up! When I was a feisty little proto-diva on the brink of adolescence, roller rinks were a huge part of northern New Jersey teenage social life. (Are they again? I feel like I’m seeing more of them lately, now that my childhood is being mined for retro coolness and ironic nostalgia. THANKS HIPSTERS.) I was never going to be a roller derby badass or disco queen dazzling everyone with my flashy moves, but it was imperative that I have at least some grace and style. Pretty, popular girls could get away with helplessly shrieking and giggling as they clung to the walls like Bambi trying to walk on the ice and waited for their mulleted, rat-tailed, Z Cavaricci-clad princes to chivalrously escort them around the rink while showing off their ability to skate backwards and do spins. Weirdo nerd girls with braces and glasses, like me, had to rely on having enough independent skill to glide around the rink with our friends, unaided, if we were going to a) have any fun and b) avoid being mocked and/or terrorized by those same gangly Oompa-Loompas as they cut just close enough to us to make us panic and wipe out. (This was some time ago and “adorkable” hadn’t been invented yet.) As it turned out, I had a secret weapon: a best friend whose stoner parents owned the local punk biker bar, which they tended all night, leaving it wide open for the two of us on weekend mornings as they slept. She and I would put...
Can Fat Girls Wear High Heels? Pt. I: Picking the Right Shoe

Can Fat Girls Wear High Heels? Pt. I: Picking the Right Shoe

  Not long ago, I came across a video by a fatshionista blogger unboxing a pair of pretty foxy Louboutins. In the course of her review, she mentioned that other fat girls have asked her whether high stiletto heels can support the weight of a plus-size woman. As a die-hard heel addict myself, I was surprised when, after saying that she did pretty well in the specific pair she was reviewing, she said she wasn’t really sure that she felt that high heels overall were stable enough for curvy women. She suggested thicker heels, as I recall, saying that she felt like there would be too much wobble in stilettos. Like I said, I love me some sky-high heels, and nearly every time I wear them (which, at my last office job, was almost daily) I’ll get women asking me how I wear such high heels. A lot of them– especially fellow curvy girls– specifically want to know HOW I wear them, as in, is it something that can be learned? So I decided to write this post series to tell you, fellow femmes, that YES you can wear heels at pretty much any size. Now let me back up one quick sec here. Before I tell you how you can strut your sexy ass in a great pair of shoes *and* be pretty comfortable doing it, there’s a couple of important things to be clear on. One, you don’t HAVE to wear heels. Ever. You don’t have to like them, you don’t have to keep trying to make them work, and you are no less femme if you rock your...
Cameryn Moore Comes to My House, Brings “Phone Whore”, Smut Slam, Dirty Talkin’, and a General Whirlwind of Sexy

Cameryn Moore Comes to My House, Brings “Phone Whore”, Smut Slam, Dirty Talkin’, and a General Whirlwind of Sexy

I’m calling it now: On Monday the 23rd, I’m gonna get home from work, faceplant on the couch, and not budge until I have to get up for work again! Yes, kids, my Year of Upheaval™ (which is really starting to get closer to two years at this point, but…) continues to bring about lots of big change, which is why I’ve neglected my poor blog yet again. It’s good change, at least, knock on all things wooden to keep it that way. At the end of August, when I’d barely recovered from a fabulous but frenetic Fringe season, I left my job of nine years to take a position as Marketing Director for a small but growing family of companies that includes the amazing adult boutique Lotus Blooms and its kinky sibling, BoundOne. It’s really kind of a dream job, and it let me achieve the major goal of shedding my mild-mannered secret identity at work (I mean, when your burlesque career is a *selling point* in your job interview…) but it’s also been nonstop busy, especially as we coordinated a festive and sexy Grand Opening weekend for the new store in Adams Morgan. I definitely wasn’t planning it that way. Last April, I went to CatalystCon East for the second time and this time I met Cameryn Moore, award-winning playwright/performer, sex educator/activist, bona-fide phone sex operator, and self-described “sidewalk pornographer”. I was impressed by her both as a panelist and performer. She was looking for help from someone in or near DC who could point her towards venues and people for her tour stop in November to...
Life on the (Capital) Fringe

Life on the (Capital) Fringe

Late one night this week, fresh from seeing some of DC’s best sideshow performers, I watched two of my friends dress up as giant whoopie cushions as they fake-tap-danced and told hilariously stupid jokes. Then we were all led in prayer to cilantro by St. Jimmy and sang auto-tuned hymns to Rachael Ray. Sound like the kind of night you’d have on some crazy lost weekend adventure? Could be, or as we devotees of the Capital Fringe Festival like to call it, “Thursday”. I was introduced to Cap Fringe back in 2009, then in its fourth year. My show was in the (now late lamented) Warehouse theater and all I really remember was a hot, sweaty, frantic whirlwind that had a Gypsy Tent and really strict load-in/out times and one hell of a cast party at the end. I was hooked. I didn’t get to be in Fringe every summer, but I jumped on every chance I got. I worked the production side of a show, and then I took the plunge and produced my own original show, Mirabilia, with amazing collaborators in 2013. This year, which is Capital Fringe’s 10th birthday (they grow up so fast!) and its first in its new Florida Avenue home, I was privileged to be part of two of Fringe’s most successful shows, Barenaked Comedy and Burlesque Classique’s Vaudevillian Romp with some of my favorite friends and colleagues in the variety arts scene. I took advantage of how often I’d be there for my own shows to soak up the atmosphere at Fringe Central and see as many other shows as time and finances would allow. And because...
Why I Celebrated Marriage Equality Last Night

Why I Celebrated Marriage Equality Last Night

After the first blush of stunned awe and cheering about the Supreme Court’s historic ruling in favor of same sex marriage yesterday, I began seeing a lot of posts across my social media feeds that ranged from gentle reminders that the ruling is far from the end of the fight for social justice, to flat-out criticisms of all the jubilation that broke out as nothing more than a frivolous distraction from real issues. You know…I can’t think of a single person who’s happy about the SCOTUS marriage ruling who is like, “Welp [dusts hands] guess our work here is done. Good game, everyone!” Not a single one. Yes, there is so much more to do. There will ALWAYS be more to do. Marriage equality doesn’t change anti-LGBTQIA discrimination, doesn’t make life safer for marginalized groups, doesn’t affect the oppressed in other nations. It doesn’t change the fact that too many of our everyday products are affordable because there’s slavery in the supply chain. It doesn’t change police brutality against people of color. It doesn’t change the harassment of the homeless, or the struggle of the working poor to survive, or the continued inequality of access to healthcare resources. Hell, it doesn’t change the fact that a car full of men drove past me *twice* on Thursday evening as I scurried to Fringe’s Preview Night in burlesque drag to make good and sure I knew they were laughing extra-exaggeratedly at me and mocking me loudly for being fat, femme, and visible. It doesn’t change manspreading or comment trolls or Nice Guys demanding the sex they feel owed or arguments about...